This isn't a common post for me but I thought I should share because I'm ready to and it's just something I think a lot of people can learn/grow/introspect from.
It's mid August and everyone is going back to school! Well... not everyone. I for one, am not since I graduated last winter. It's funny how much stress you can get from completing whatever was the cause of your stress. Although I loved (and still love) college, it was no joke... some serious business. I took full credit semesters for the most part and had extracurricular activities like my practicum in my later years of my bachelors degree. I never knew that graduating wouldn't really be of any relief... I guess I never even had the time to think that far.
In the past month, I believe that I learned the most about myself in comparison to maybe the last decade or so... I've always been very introspective and although that can seem like a good thing... it drove me crazy being an underachieving perfectionist. I feel inclined to give you somewhat of a background story on all of this so that other people who may stumble upon this post may benefit from my experiences with anxiety... and my latest panic attack.
I think the combination of .. well everything... got the
Not only are young adults in confusion about their lives and what direction to take.. but a lot of us are. With low employment rates and no guarantee of higher education getting us the job we planned on having... life and career are currently just floating ideas accumulated by family expectations and older tradition... wrapped up in our warped sense of our own expectation for ourselves.
And with all that in mind.. fresh out of college with a degree in Psychology... I expected more emotion to overflow through me after receiving my diploma. But it turned out that all the hard work I put into this stamped piece of paper was just a tiny stepping stone in where I want to be in the future.
Now let's get to my story... I had my first panic attack a couple weeks ago in the beginning of this month. Honestly, I knew I was stressed with frequent headaches and cold-like symptoms of fatigue and dizziness but I never knew my body could jump from "stressed" to severe "panic attack". Luckily, my dad was there to escort me to the hospital. At that point, my fingers had curled up in a rigid and frankly broken manner because all the blood in my body headed for my heart. My arms were completely numb but the pressure stayed in my fingertips as if my heart was draining every ounce of blood out of the veins in my fingers. My toes/feet were tingling numb as well but not as nearly as bad as my arms. My neck/half my face were gone as well. I honestly thought that I was just going to explode the whole time. I can't breathe. It hurts. I'm numbing everywhere. I'm thinking of some extreme morbid thoughts. Heart attack? I'm too young. It hurts. I would rather pass out than feel this. That sort of stuff.
With all said and done, I'm fine now. I'm on my ulcer prevention meds with some minor costochondritis. I never heard of this before but my doctor explained it as a form of heart arthritis.